so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
