Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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