I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
organizing the empties. That sober.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
