i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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