Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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