sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
