Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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