dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We need to feng shui this bitch.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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