all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
