I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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