i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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