whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
