The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
