What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
