idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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