It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
