there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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