I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
