fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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