Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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