I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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