called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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