I didn't shave. On purpose
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
