You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
MIDGETS
????
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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