you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
well you can't waste a boner
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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