I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
