Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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