youre lurking in front of me
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
