he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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