Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
40s are totally the cure
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
