You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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