Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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