Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
