Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
