wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
