You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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