i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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