On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
wow bdsm is so cute
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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