Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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