coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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