I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
