when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
