I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
