Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
