I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
