Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize