you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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