Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
