wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
