Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
