So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
