I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
