There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
